I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
