I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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