This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The air taste purple.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
