Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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