so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
