Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
