I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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