White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
