My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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