Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
