just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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