This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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