youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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