she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
