Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
