he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
