She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
