a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
