sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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