His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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