So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
