based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
