my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize