i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
