did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
