you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
