he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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