I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
