Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
