I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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