I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
