you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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