Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
