just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
