The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
