Your dad touched me again.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
