Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
