Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
