I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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