what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
