Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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