I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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