Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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