As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
