please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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