I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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