Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
