i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
