Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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