I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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