If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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