They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
