girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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