i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
