I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
