I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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