just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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