and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
MIDGETS
????
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
