First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
