I'm lost and stupid without you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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