I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
