After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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