apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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