Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
