She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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