I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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