You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
