Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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