Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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