When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
