i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
