Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
