Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
