....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm getting married
To pizza
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
