dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
